Poetry utilizes few words and instills them with emotion. When a writer does it well, those emotions seep from the page and onto us, the readers. In this piece by sophomore Emma Wagner, my emotions are reflected in her words as she is in the dreaded mirror, the mirror she knows, I fear. Her few words reflect my every emotion, I identify with every line. As a woman. As a writer. As a teenager. As a sister. As a daughter. As a person. I recognize her.
I wake up each morning
Not wanting to get up
How much effort
do I need to put in today?
Will I be good enough?
Dragging my body to the bathroom
Desperately avoiding the mirror
If there was nothing to see
I’d walk out the door and not want to cry
Why is my hair so messy?
Ew, my face is so oily
I brush my hair and wash my face
I hope this will make me look decent
Cover my face like a mask with makeup
Style my frizzy hair
Don’t let let them see me
They’ll think I’m a fraud
The outfit I chose covers my arms
My arms are so hairy
I look like an ape
But I still show some skin
I have to fit in
This outfit looks horrible
My belly looks fat
Why does she wear it better?
Every step I take
in the crowded school halls
I feel like a freshwater fish
stuck in the ocean,
Panicking and choking on salt
Why are they all staring at me?
Is the pimple on my nose that noticeable?
I analyze each girl
As if we’re in a competition
Who is the prettiest?
Who is the smartest?
Most confident and popular
I hope I win
I wish my teeth were as white as hers
I knew I should have worn different pants
Why do hoodies look better on her?
She looks at me
Does she see my insecurities?
Does she see me?
Safe in class,
where all of the attention
is on the teacher
I don’t understand the assignment
Should I raise my hand?
Ask for help?
No, don’t do that
Everyone expects you to be smart
Don’t let them see how brainless you are
My friends are the best
They compliment me
They like my outfit
Pretty hair
They’re lying
They remind me of how cute I am
You’re ugly
Disgusting
Not good enough
It doesn’t matter how hard you try
You’ll always be worthless
Just end it all
It’s easier that way
No one will care
No one will miss you
No one will cry for you
They’ll feel elated to not have to look me
Walking home
I stare at my feet
Why do I walk so weird?
Waiting at the crosswalk
Remembering a time in class
I’m sure they snickered
when you got the answer wrong
It was so easy
You’re such a cretin
At home
I’m safe
But there’s still so much to do
Homework and chores,
Care for the dogs
Don’t be lazy
Help out more
Mom and dad worked all day
You don’t deserve to feel tired
Trying my best to not disappoint them
Taking on the most responsibilities
as the eldest
You’re so mean to your brother
He doesn’t love you
I’m trying my best
You need to try harder
For years I battled
with the voices in my head
Screaming at me
You will always be worthless!
I’m a freshwater fish placed in the ocean
Self-esteem like water
Flowing out of my cells
Until there is nothing left
I’m shriveled and useless
What else am I going to lose?
No one cared
No one will
I have to swim on my own
Little by little
I swim to the river
I tune out the voice
Sloughing off the parts of me
labeled “not good enough”
I can finally see
And love the real me
My long eyelashes
Beautiful hair
Winning curves
Contagious smile
Personality and intelligence
My natural, God-given beauty
Devoting energy to love
Is easier than exhaustion from hate
I learned to respect
Grasped to love
My body and mind I now appreciate
– Emma Wagner